The Uno Diez: 10 Beers for 3 Connoisseurs
Recently, three connoisseurs got together and played a few rousing games of Uno. During those games, ten beers were poured, tasted and reviewed by their collectively wide palate. The following is the result of those tastings, which I like to call “The Uno Diez”.
Beer #1: O’Douls
Connoisseur Tom dealt the cards counterclockwise, an odd beginning to match the odd start of a night of beers. O’Douls non-alcoholic beer is brewed by Amheuser-Busch out of St. Louis, Missouri and boasts a twist-off cap. It is the official beer of the PGA Tour. That being said, this beer scores a double-bogus. The particular bottle that we had happened to be “wicked skunked”, as Connoisseur Jon had acquired it through less-than-noble means, meaning he swiped it while house-sitting for a friend. Sorry Steve, but I’m sure you won’t miss this PGA classic. It poured a pale-urine color with a fluffy, persistent head, kind of like soap bubbles. The nose…well…this beer stinks. It tasted like water with skunk additives. This beer is terrible on its own merits, but when it is served skunked, it is just not drinkable. Water would be preferred to this beer, as you would probably get more of a buzz from good old H2O than you would from this .5% alcohol offering. Honestly, it doesn’t taste like beer, so please, don’t subject yourself to this torture.
Beer #2: Hobgoblin English-Style Ale
Hobgoblin is made by Wychwood Brewery in Oxfordshire, England. Hobgoblin was our only canned offering of the night, and is available in a four-pack of Imperial Pints (16.9 fl. oz.). Connoisseur Tom noted that the D&D nerd in him loved the can, remarking, “Typical hobgoblin; that sword would only do 1d6 damage.” Upon pouring this English offering, the head was reminiscent of a Guiness, in that it took some time for the head to fully form, though it cascaded quicker than a Guiness, revealing a copper brown liquid. The head was thick and creamy, leaving a sticky lacing on the glass. The nose brought scents of barley malt, preserved plum, and had a perfumy scent that was not entirely appealing. It had a full mouth feel, with flavors of sweet malt, maple, milk duds, brown sugar and honey, finished by a mellow bitterness. We would consider this a dessert beer upon first tasting. As the beer came to room temperature, it became a new beverage, with smells of Worcestershire sauce and soy sauce. The smoky, toasty malt flavors developed and it became less sweet with time. This beer is a true session beer disguised as a dessert beer. Those tricky hobgoblins…
Beer #3: Indian Brown Ale
This Indian Brown Ale was made by Dogfish Head Brewery of Milton, Deleware. Upon pouring this ale, we witnessed an opaque dark brown color with a very thick looking body, and bubbly, residual head. The nose brought out ideas of toasted wheat, hazelnut, and roasted coffee. Connoisseur Tom compared the scent to “Legion Hall or after-church coffee”, both cases inferring that it smelled burnt and stale. The taste was excitingly complex, with flavors of raisin on the back of the tongue, blackened whole wheat toast, coppery hints, and slight pine and cedar flavors from the hops. The beer was incredibly smooth, though the bubbles were sharp on the tongue, making the mouth water. As this beer warmed, flavors and smells of chocolate were ever-present. All-in-all, this beer was quite palatable, and should be a definite “To Drink” on your beer list.
Beer #4: Newcastle Brown Ale
This ale, calling itself “the one and only”, was brewed in Dunston, England. It pours a translucent brown color and has a big soapy head that quickly diminishes due to the large size of the suds. Connoisseur Javier called this beer his “old standard: cheap, flavorful, and highly available.” The aroma smelled distinctly like chewed Bazooka Joe Bubblegum, complete with the cheesy comic. Hints of raisin flavor accented Newcastle’s light body, and the overall thought was that this beer was smooth, bright and refreshing. For an easily accessible beer, Newcastle brings a lot to the table, but I found it to be rather plain, without any real standout characteristics. My wife summed it up well when she so gracefully stated, “Smells like beer to me.”
Beer #5: Wagner Valley Grace House Honey Wheat
This selection from the Wagner Valley Brewing company in Lodi, NY was another of the beers that I snagged while house sitting. It poured a golden wheat color, boasting a full, tight head with pronounced lacing that lasted. It was cloudy, but seemed more clarified than most wheat beers. The nose reminded its drinkers of white grapes. As we drank this wheat ale, we were accosted up front by pronounced bitters that faded into flavors of clover honey, but not honey sweetness. Connoisseur Tom aptly described it as “like honey on toast.” This beer had a cool, crisp mouth feel. Its bitters started out strong, and then faded into a toned down, well-balanced finish. As it warmed, a flowery sweetness appeared in its flavor profile. This beer was very drinkable, and its honey flavor was pronounced and unique.
Beer #6: Circus Boy – The Hefeweitzen
Circus Boy is brewed by Magic Hat in South Burlington, VT. It claimed to be an “unfiltered, unfettered” offering, and would prove to be an interesting contrast to the previous wheat beer we tasted. Circus Boy poured a cloudy honey pine color (like hardwood floors) and had a soapy head with big bubbles and fine lacing on the glass. We all agreed that the nose was reminiscent of peppery citrus oil such as lime, and Connoisseur Javier went a step further and described it as the smell of a lime leaf being crushed between your fingers. Flavors of lime, pepper, and lychee were up front int this beer, with hints of orange blossom and black tea tannins. This Magic Hat offering was smooth all the way down and very drinkable.
Beer #7: Victory Hop Wallop
Those of you who are hopheads probably know this beer from your local tavern that serves rotating microbrews. Victory Brewing Company in Dowington, PA is responsible for this, simply calling it “a very hoppy ale” with 8.5% alcohol by volume. The label has a picture of an old cartoon prospector on it accompanied by a whimsical story, and Connoisseur Tom decided to rename the beer “rabid hobo ale” as he felt the cartoon prospector looked to be “foaming at the mouth”. When poured, we saw the IPA’s golden yellow hue, and its lager-like clarity. The strong smell of grapefruits overwhelmed the nose, as is frequent in hop-blasted beers, though hints of mango and rose did sneak in. Connoisseur Tom swore that he could smell a certain mango bubblegum he has tried in Prince Edward Island a dozen years ago, but perhaps the beers were starting to cloud Connoisseur Tom’s perception. The flavor was full and lasting, sharing hints of kumquat and honey with stronger toasty grapefruit flavors and caraway seed undertones. The upfront intense bitterness (I can only assume the “wallop” mentioned on the label) paired with a light, crisp body and ended with a lingering citrus rind aftertaste. The label did not lie. That was “a very hoppy ale”.
Beer Break!
We poured a can of Mountain Dew at the behest of Connoisseur Tom and decided to do a tasting. When poured, it had a light head and shone with and effervescent chartreuse color. Connoisseur Tom announced that it smelled like a stream, or so I thought. When I asked where he smelled that, he replied, “No, I said it smelled EXTREME!” Extreme indeed, it was very syrupy after all the beer, and tasted like, well, Mountain Dew.
Beer #8: Dragon’s Gold
Bard’s Tale Beer Company makes Dragon’s Gold, a gluten-free beer brewed from sorghum instead of wheat products. The beer itself was a nice amber hue, but the head did not last, as there was no gluten to hold the head together. Due to its geeky role-playing name, we all had a bit of fun with this beer. It had a very buttery nose, and one Connoisseur remarked that it smelled of “buttered toast and d20’s”. The nose did become more like butterscotch with some time in the air. It tasted rather like margarine and candy corn with hints of nutmeg, but no hints of hops. Upon tasting the faux-butter flavors, one Connoisseur remarked, “I can’t believe it’s not wheat beer” in their best Fabio accent. I then said, “It’s certainly not a critical failure, but it’s not a natural 20.” Ah, nerdy D&D references. That’s about all this beer was good for, though I am sure a person with celiac disease would welcome the attempt at a GF beer after so many years without.
Beer #9: Wagner Valley Seneca Trail Pale Ale
Another beer from Wagner Valley Brewing, this is the last one that I got while house sitting for my pal Steve. I’m a thirsty man, so sue me. Anyway, this poured light amber, was crystal clear and had great cascading bubbles that led to a soap bubble head, complete with appropriate lacing. This beer smelled slightly hoppy and tasted very balanced. There were slight smoky flavors and a lingering bitterness, but the bitterness it the only thing that lingered, as all flavor and body quickly faded. The body was extremely light with a pleasant maltiness and a quick hit of pineapple. All told, this was very generic pale ale. It was not offensive, not lacking or wanting, and not impressive. It just doesn’t bring much to the party. It was kind of like the wallflower of beers.
Beer #10: Trois Pistoles
Our final beer was a Uni Broue selection, bottle fermented ale on lees from Chanbly, Quebec in Canada. It was 9% alcohol by volume. Trois Pistoles poured a dark swampy brown color with an unbelievably voluminous head. It was very full, lasting and soapy, as if somebody had spilled an entire bottle of detergent into a pan of dishes while washing them. The nose brought ideas of tannins, dark spices like pepper and allspice, and much complexity. It had a dry mouth feel and was slightly sweet with a complex spice array, finishing with a melon rind aftertaste. It was certainly something to think about as we finished our night.
Once we had finished our night, our bellies were full, our minds were at ease, and our taste buds had been exercised. The last order of business was to tally the score to the Uno competition. We didn’t keep score, only wins and losses. In third place with three wins was Connoisseur Javier. In second place with four wins was me, Connoisseur Jon. That means that Connoisseur Tom was the Uno champ with seven wins.
