Tom's Liquor Cabinet: A Preliminary Quartet
Back in 2001, while I was unemployed and living in Maine, I became a certified bartender. Since then I have developed an ever-growing collection of liquors from around the world. I decided it was about time I begin sharing my wealth of knowledge with you, the viewing public. After putting up a poll in the Forum, with the caveat that I would review all of the winners back-to-back in the event of a tie, four liqueurs were chosen: Absolut Peppar, Jagermeister, Granny’s Sour Apple Schnapps, and Akvavit.
After a day-long trip to sunny Amherst, MA, I had the drinking companionship of my girlfriend’s brother Ben matching me shot for shot and Jenny manning the camera. The stage was set for the first step on the liver-pickling journey that is Tom’s Liquor Cabinet.
The first bottle we cracked into was Absolut Peppar. In the simplest terms, this is a pepper-infused vodka. It pours clear and smells very much like jalapeño and serrano peppers. Some time back in 1999 when I was in Boston for the first time attending Emerson College for a semester, I picked up a sharp cheddar that had been essentially brined in this liquor. It remains one of the most poignant culinary experiences of that four month period alongside Taco Thursdays and my infatuation with eating limes that remains to this day. The cheese was tangy, spicy and pleasantly boozy. So, naturally when, years later, I found a bottle of Absolut Peppar in my local Wino-Mart, I had to pick it up. The taste starts off green, vegetative, and smooth, but quickly moves to a sharp spice which fades to a slow burn quite gradually. The tastes of vodka and pepper fight each other for control of the palate though neither seem strong enough to fully take the reigns of this liqueur. While interesting and a definite experience to drink neat, I highly recommend using this liquor in place of regular vodka in a Bloody Mary, with a generous hit of lime juice.
Next on the roster was Jagermeister, the herbal liqueur that has enjoyed so much popularity among meat-headed frat boys in recent years. Were that I had the clout to reclaim this drink for the non-keg-standing public, but heavy-handed marketing trumps this Connoisseur’s powers. The graphic design on the bottle is superb: a proud stag surrounded by archaic Germanic text. This liqueur pours a reddish-brown and smells like Old-People Candy, bubblegum, molasses, and anise. The taste is extremely thick and syrupy-sweet, very much like a microbrewed root beer with guarana. Sadly, I can see this going very well with Red Bull or similar energy drinks. It is for this reason as well as the barely-existent taste of alcohol in this liquor that have made it so popular with the 21 and under crowd as well as the creepy folks who prey on them. Jagermeister would be a superb liqueur to cook with; I could see it making a terrific glaze for beef or lamb, possibly in addition to Indian or North African spices.
The third liquor to head down the hatch was a personal favorite of mine: Granny’s Sour Apple Schnapps. Brewed by the prestigious White Rock Distillery in Lewiston, Maine, I have only ever been able to find this particular booze in the Pine Tree State, and make it a point to pick some up when ever I visit The Northlands. Granny’s was one of the first liquors I ever tried and it was the first one I ever liked. It pours a nuclear green and smells exactly like green apple Jolly Ranchers. The taste is precisely that; Green Apple candy or gum. Most people have had apple schnapps before in the form of Pucker Green Apple. Rest assured Green Apple Schnapps get much better than the burnt-sugar taste of Pucker, and that would be the tart refreshing liquor of which I now laud. My favorite way to have Granny’s Sour Apple Schnapps is in a glass over a couple ice cubes, although it also pairs well with cinnamon schnapps and whipped cream. There’s a story to go with that one, but frankly I don’t need to get my girlfriend murdering me anytime soon. Just do yourself a favor, if you can find it, buy a bottle of Granny’s Sour Apple Schnapps.
The final player in this quartet was Aalborg Akvavit, the Danish “Water of Life”. This herbal liquor is a newcomer to my cabinet, and a very welcome one. It pours clear and has a very illusive smell; some aspects of note are citrus, almond, anise, and mint. The taste is pristinely clean; mineral water on the attack with an herbal sharpness and an undeniable burn afterwards. Every sip brings something different to the palate, ranging from spearmint, anise, and soap, to soy, lemon, and almond. This liquor is best served chilled and works well in place of gin in a dry martini, garnished with a strawberry or cherry tomato.
These four were quite different, but very enjoyable: all are excellent examples of their alcoholic niches. I can’t guarantee quality like this every time, and for the occasions when I find a unpalatable booze, instant-hangover-in-a-bottle, or flavor combination that only someone who eats lit firecrackers could enjoy, I will have a special award marking the review, so keep you eyes peeled for “The Hobo’s Choice” award.