Smirnoff Source

Now, we all know the story of Jesus turning water into wine. Well, it would appear that our friends at Smirnoff have taken a queue from The Lord of Hosts and have made their own rendition of alcoholic water. The results are far from miraculous.

Smirnoff Source comes in four-packs of 1 pint bottles, and at the local Wino-Mart where I picked mine up, they were selling for an insulting $10 per pack. Still, not one to back down from a challenge, I withstood the barbs and jests of the cashier, and brought the frosty four back to my apartment.

Upon opening the bottle I was greeted with a light lemon scent and the faint smell of alcohol. I opted to drink it straight from the bottle, as I’m sure this drink was meant to be had… you know, by alcoholic mountain climbers on the trail looking for the cure for the shakes or by vapid soccer moms needing that little something extra to wash down the valium. The lightly effervescent and clear booze tasted like very watered down Smirnoff Ice with a twist of lemon and, oh yeah, about a kilo of sucralose dissolved in the bottle. In a word: Terrible.

My girlfriend, who has more of a tolerance for artificial sweeteners than myself, said the drink, while not amazing, was refreshing. She never did finish the bottle I gave her though, and I feel that speaks volumes.

Smirnoff Source weighs in at a mere 3.5% alcohol by volume, and where most of that volume is saccharine, lemon-tinged, sparkling water, Smirnoff’s attempt at the divine falls flat. I would go so far as to call it holy crap.

Chintzy Photoshop job by Connoisseur Tom