No Fear Motherload

The energy drink trend has been a huge market for caffeine-craving sugar junkies for over ten years now, in that time I have had easily dozens and dozens of flavors, mixtures, and brands. Lately I have seen more and more "natural" energy drinks, the only qualifying trait tying them together seems to be a weakened energy punch and a flavor similar to mulch and lawn clippings. On first glance I assumed No Fear Motherload to be one of these hyper-hippie beverages. I was wrong, but no less disappointed.

If I may digress for a moment, what in the seven hells is No Fear doing branding energy drinks? Isn't No Fear just a decal rednecks plaster on the back window of their pickup trucks so they can feel manlier when they go muddin'? Maybe I'm out of touch, but producing a line of products branded with a friggin bumper-sticker slogan strikes me as tantamount to amassing a collection of neon-colored Nascar beer-cozies.

Anyhow, No Fear Motherload gets its name from the massive amount of vitamins B6, B12, and C that it contains, advertised on the can front as 300% of the daily value, but where the can contains two servings, that bumps it to a whopping 600%! It doesn't stop there; this energy drink has insanely high doses of all requisite extracts and compounds. If the supplement facts on the back were any indication, by the end of this can, I'd be able to see through time.

I opened the can and poured it into a glass; the lightly carbonated beverage was dark opaque yellow and smelled strongly of tropical fruits up front and rotting apples in the back. The flavor was very sweet, partly from the sugar, and partly from the flavors of rotting fruit that permeated this drink. The taste can't decide if it wants to be medicinal or sugary and fruits soda pop, that plus the loads of off-flavors give Motherload an unsettled feel. It tasted like the dregs left over from a year's worth of random energy drinks, watered down with some spoiled cidery industrial runoff.

I actually did want to like this, but I just can't; it tastes horrible, is marketed to pudding-brained mouth breathers, and although it packed a solid energy punch, I just couldn't justify the drinks existence on that merit.