Max Velocity

I decided that Connoisseur Tom shouldn’t have all the fun with the energy drinks, so when I was at the Shaw’s in Porter Square, I picked up a 16 oz. can of Max Velocity, which boasted taurine and B-vitamins.  When I got home, I cracked the can open and poured it into a glass for all to see.  It smelled similar to Red Bull, with that bubble-gummy sweet smell, and was the color of urine, or beer, or a combination of the two.  There was little carbonation, and for that I was grateful, as I’m not so sure that Max Velocity and effervescence go together.  I took a sip and immediately remarked on the drinks astringent acidity.  There were plenty of citric acid undertones with tangy bubblegum and citrus flavors, and it made me grimace.  It was too sour to drink outright.  It had to be sipped and savored, and that was growing ever more unpleasant.  However, I endured, as I was tired and wanted the energy that the can promised.  Every sip brought a grimace, and every grimace brought me closer to the bottom of the glass, but not closer to alertness.  There was noted eye-rubbing throughout the drinking, making me believe that the drink was faulty.

Looking back on this experience makes me think that one should use discretion when dealing with matters of the energy drink.  Perhaps they are best left to the professionals, like Red Bull and Mountain Dew’s Amp, instead of being entrusted to Albertson’s Inc. (The Shaw’s Brand) and their “quality guarantee”.  I would steer clear of this beverage, and perhaps run at maximum velocity in the opposite direction.