Mashed Potatoes

Last night I awoke from a tragic nightmare involving everyone’s favorite member of the nightshade family, the potato.  The dream involved myself and the other Connoisseurs, with appropriate companionship of course, cruising through a grocery market on the search for ingredients to make a lovely home-cooked meal.  We had decided on smothered pork chops with a side of mashed potatoes (I do believe there were a couple of other items on the menu, but they have since been erased from my waking mind).  We were over in the meat section picking out the choicest cuts of pig when I offered to go pick out the potatoes for the side, I just needed to know if we wanted to go with russet, red, or a nice Yukon gold.  It was at this point that the dream, which had been quite pleasant and drool worthy so far, took a turn for the worst:  It was suggested to me that we get instant mashed potatoes!  I will not mention which of my dreamscape companions uttered this highly offensive suggestion as I am sure they would never do so in the waking world, and it must have just been my mind twisting some information it had gathered during the day.  “Instant Mashed Potatoes!” I said, “why for would we ever want that?”  The companion in question then went on to decry the value of the tasteless flakes, usually contained in the scarily thin cardboard boxes that adorn high school cafeteria kitchens.  I was flabbergasted!  Thankfully I woke up soon after and so was spared the end of the nightmare, which would have invariably seen me eating the horrendous mush created by mixing milk (or heavens, even just water) with what I like to call “the snowflakes of death.” 

So why do I feel the need to write about this most horrific of slumbers?  It seems like something I could just keep to myself or amongst a close circle of friends.  I am writing, firstly, to announce, and put down in print once and for all, that instant mashed potatoes are the bane of all good natured potato lovers throughout the four corners of the world and, secondly, as a gateway for me to expound upon some of my opinions on mashed potatoes. 

Now, how does one choose which potato to use in the mashing process?  This is of course a matter of opinion and also depends on what you will be serving it with.  I firmly believe that the most down-home, country style of mashed potatoes you can have involved the russet potato.  It also involves milk, a lot of butter, and hand mashing.  If you are trying to be more worldly about things you could use the Yukon gold.  This type of potato is going to give you a more golden color and a creamier texture.  I would say this type of mash should accompany foods that are going to have thicker sauces on them.  And of course there is my friend, and yours, the red potato.  This potato is best for the skins on type of mashed potato, as the red potato’s skin has a nicer flavor than that of its cousins.  When using red potatoes I would advise the use of roasted garlic as the flavors do blend in a quite magnificent way.  The skins on type of mash is good for any foods that are going to come with a thin gravy (or simply drippings), as apposed to a heave Thanksgiving Dinner gravy, due to the added heartiness the skins impart to the dish. 

Then there is the age-old question:  Do I mash or do I whip?  Different parts of the country, and different families in the same part of the country, view the word “mashed” in different lights.  To me, “mashed” means hand mashed with a kitchen tool that looks like a smaller version of the old-fashioned cement mixer.  To others, “mashed” means beaten with either a hand mixer or an electric beater.  I say to each their own!  Sometimes you want that slightly lumpy feeling, and others times you need that creamy consistency.  I certainly would advise that you use more milk if you are going to be whipping your potatoes.  

I do hope this offers a little insight into the world of mashed potatoes, as well as a bit of entertainment for the Connoisseur minded person.  Till next time—The Connoisseur of Mashed Delights  (insert Connoisseur cote of arms here)