The Connoisseurs Cheap Beer Blind Tasting
On a cold October night, six brave souls gathered for an evening that would start off with poker and culminate with the consumption of fourteen beers of dubious origin.
The idea behind this travesty was a simple one: to come up with unbiased reviews of some of the most popular macrobrews.
Connoisseur Jon’s wife Liz would be officiating the event, as she cannot drink beer due to her Celiac Disease we knew she would keep things fair, honest, and on the up-and-up.
We would be drinking the beers out of unmarked mini Solo cups and would not be told the results of what we were drinking until all fourteen brews were consumed.
With the ground rules set, the tasting began. (To keep with the spirit of things, I’ll be listing the beers by number. To find out what the beer was, click on the title.)
The first beer received our “water fountain” award as it was the most flavorless of the night. This thin and not-so-fizzy beer would be a good thing to have on hand to space out stronger drinks with, but as a beer is barely noteworthy, certainly not a beer for people who like the taste of beer.
The second beer had a dusty copper scent to it that left many of the tasters wrinkling their noses with displeasure. This was also one of the worst tasting beers of the night; it was really tangy and sharp. The beer was quite effervescent, but tasted foul.
Our third beer of the night was quite easy on the nose. Most of the tasters found it to be light and fruity, but Ryan said it was like licking a car tire. One of the more notable things about this brew was its thick mouthfeel, definitely the thickest beer of the night.
Brewskie number four was a foamy brew that smelled like nothing more and nothing less than urine. We initially rated this as “The Worst Smelling Beer”, though in retrospect I’d say “Second Worst Smelling Beer”. It had a soft mouthfeel and a sweet flavor with a slightly funky after-smell. Surprisingly, we ended up rating this beer “The Second Best Tasting Beer” of the night.
The fifth beer of the night had a slight chemical smell to it with a soapy, slightly alcoholic flavor profile. Although there was some brief character to this beer, we found that it seemed to punish you once you stopped drinking it, so the answer would obviously be to keep drinking.
The sixth beer had virtually no scent whatsoever. The flavor was bready and tasted faintly of apples and grass. It left you with a dry mouthfeel, which would encourage more drinking. This was a pretty unremarkable beer.
The seventh beer of the evening was a surprise; it smelled like a real beer, it was even slightly darker amber in color. The flavor was comparatively complex when held up to the other beers of the night, with notes of apricot, pine, and hops. This was an enjoyable, clean, light-tasting brew that, while one wouldn’t want to make a night of just drinking these, doesn’t punish you for moving on to another selection. This beer handedly won our “Best Tasting Beer” of the night, with the vocal dissent coming courtesy of Ben who found the beer too cloying to enjoy.
The eighth beer of the night, which came after a short recess, was foamy and sour smelling. There was an unevenness of color in the foam that was fairly unappetizing. It smelled like watery vomit with hints of grape and tasted like salty tap water with virtually no other flavors. This beer was one of the lousiest beers of the night, though that distinction would be reserved for what was next to come. We decided this beer was “The All-Around Second Worst” brew of the night.
The ninth beer of the night was a test of our willpower as a group. It smelled fishy and awful and the flavor was that of crabs, brine, and almond. The mouthfeel was unpleasant and it numbed the lips as it passed. This disgusting beer was rated “The Worst Smelling”, “The Worst Tasting”, and “The All-Around Worst Beer” of the night.
The tenth beer of the evening was unbelievably skunked! It was impossible to smell any characteristics of the beer over the skunk, which you could smell from over a yard away. The flavor was very, very mild and slightly mineral, like sweet lake water. The skunk murdered this beer.
Beer the eleventh had the smell of apples, quite seasonal. It had a toasted wheat flavor that was rather sharp. While we enjoyed this beer, it wasn’t something we would want to drink more than a couple of.
The twelfth beer of the night was a little skunky both in flavor and in scent. Otherwise, this brew was flavorless and disappointing. A very weak brew, not something we would look for again.
Our thirteenth beer smelled quite cheesy. All-in-all we found it pretty enjoyable with a slightly tongue-numbing and thick mouthfeel. We didn’t feel there was a lot of thought put into it, but it was pretty decent.
The final beer of the night was quite effervescent with a slightly “socky” smell to it. It has a toasty finish and this medium-bodied brew came in as our “Third Best Tasting” beer of the night.
All-in-all, we were quite surprised with our findings. If you ever want to separate your like or dislike of certain beers from their marketing, I highly recommend trying a blind tasting of your own. Until next time, this is Connoisseur Tom, drinking myself blind so you don’t have to.
