Apples: The Four Standardbearers

It's like there's a party in my mouth and someone brought apples… tasty apples… wow… this is one heck of a party…

I'll be honest with you, unless I consciously put my mind to doing so, I usually don't get my recommended daily allowance of fruits and vegetables. I'm working on it, but it's a long road fraught with all you can eat ribs and chicken at Redbones, and free pizza days at work. There are a few though that always seem to make it into the rotation; in the land of vegetables we have peppers (of all varieties… man do I love peppers), carrots, onions, potatoes, beans, and corn, while in fruitsville I generally partake of bananas, limes, and the subject of today's one-sided discussion: apples.

 

Apples are everywhere, why if you look in your fridge I'll bet you find one now. Go on, I can wait… now let's examine this little guy. Most likely a Macintosh or Red Delicious, bruised a bit, old, and tired. Maybe I'm wrong, but I'll bet that I'm not. Macintosh apples are by far the most popular apples in the world, according to the dozen or so people I questioned, and they were a bright bunch. For me they are rather pedestrian, boring, the white bread of the apple world.  Macintoshes are amazing in late September when they are at their peak of crispness and tartness, but they deteriorate fast into a mealy, often mushy winter apple that, while it may still hold up to an apple crisp or pie, will be merely a shadow of its former glory.

If crisp is what you seek, look no farther than our sturdy friend the Red Delicious. To most people this is the pinnacle of apple aesthetics: statuesque, firm, and blood red with those weird little bumps on the bottom that remind me of Bruce Campbell's chin. The flesh of the Red is usually bright white, though occasionally lightly veined with green and blushed red, and is incredibly dry for a water-bearing fruit. Red Delicious apples are horrid to cook with for this reason; you end up with leathery strips valiantly fighting the onslaught of any seasoning you try to add as opposed to the softer more welcoming fruit of the Macintosh. Red Delicious does make a great snacking apple though, especially if you have a sweet tooth as these are among the sweetest apples you can buy.

 

These are the standards, but they are but half of the Big Four of the North American Apple Kingdom. The other two are the Granny Smith and Golden Delicious. The Granny Smith is far and away my favorite type of apple, though a little too tart for some, it fits the bill perfectly for this Connoisseur. Granny Smiths are generally as big or bigger than Red Delicious and much more round. The biggest difference is the weight, Granny is no ballerina, and let me tell you fellas, that's all flavor she's carrying. The Granny Smith has firm flesh, not unlike the Red Delicious, occasionally lightly veined with green, however that is where the similarities end; each bite is met with a torrent of tart and tangy apple juice… so good! Granny Smiths are not ideal to cook with, simply because of the firmness of the flesh, but when tempered with a softer apple it can bring something very special to the dish.

Finally we come to the Golden Delicious, the bastard child of the apple world. Weighing in at more than a equally sized Macintosh, but less than a Granny Smith, the Golden has a light yellow skin with darker yellow spots. The flesh is more of a creamy white in color and very mealy in texture. The Golden Delicious is very similar in taste and texture to a pear, I hate pears, both in taste and texture. This is, however, an excellent apple to cook with; it shines especially well in sauces and baked dishes where the sandy texture is easier to ignore. One thing to note, Golden Delicious apples bruise very easily and get all weird and wrinkly with very little prompting.

Purchasing apples is a breeze: buy them big, heavy, and unblemished. In the Boston area, the best apples can be found at Whole Foods if you want a sure thing, or Haymarket if you're feeling dangerous. Oddly enough, the best Granny Smith apples I have found in Boston come from 7-11 over by Park Street. Go figure.

Now watch the crazy man eat an apple!