Four Historic Ales From Scotland

The Connoisseurs and friends gathered at Tom’s loft for a night of fun, Twin Peaks, and beverages, the centerpiece being a gift pack of four Scottish Ales of differing varieties.  This is a rundown of how the event turned out.

1.  Alba Scots Pine Ale.  This ale had a 7.5% ABV and was tasted in red plastic cups, as were the other ales.  Classy, I know. It poured a reddish-brown. The following phrases were uttered upon smelling this ale: "Smells cidery". "Smells like pine" "Like a farm, when they were mashing apples. Slightly rotten.”  Not a good indicator of things to come.  Connoisseur Tom quipped that the taste makes him think, "What the hell am I doing?" and went on to call this ale the candied fruit of beer. I agree, there was a dark sugar taste, like a fruit cake.  This ale also boasted a smooth mouth feel, but a quickly dissipating head.  I would describe it as unpleasantly thick and sweet, like cidery molasses. We all pretty much agreed that this ale was unpleasant.  "I do not like that one, Sam-I-Am,” remarked Connoisseur Tom. The bottle mentioned Scottish Vikings, Highland recipes, pine collected in the spring, and other such tomfoolery.  We were not amused.

2.  Ebulum Elderberry Black Ale.  This weighed in at 6.5 ABV.  The bottle told tales of Welsh druids, Celtic fall festivals and a 16^th century recipe.  This ale poured a caramelly dark brown, with a weak and quickly dying head.  Upon smelling this ale, we noted that it was high in fruit tannins. It smelled like a mix between cheesy yeast, red grapes, and some fruity smell.  The group commented that it tasted mild, smoky, watery, and slightly sweet, almost refreshing.  It also boasted a delicious medicine taste, a bit like cherry cough syrup.  "Not bad.  Better than the last one," commented one group member.

3.  Fraoch Heather Ale.  This ale had a 5% ABV, and has allegedly been brewed in Scotland since 2000 BC, making it the oldest ale in the world.  It had a floral aroma, as it was brewed with heather, and a dry wine finish. The color was strawberry blond, and again, it did not have much head.  Connoisseur Tom reminisced that he made potpourri in 2nd grade and dried heather was one of the ingredients.  Ben Lewis interjected that it didn’t seem like a beer.  I agreed, saying that it a seemed more like tea.  Not a heavy tea, black tea, but a "kind of nice" green tea, or even white tea.  It was the lightest tasting beer that I've ever had. 

4.  Grozet Gooseberry and Wheat Ale.  This 16^th century recipe was supposedly made by Scottish monks using wild spices and gooseberries.  It was colored like a weak cup of green tea.  It smelled fruity and it tasted very much like watered-down fruit punch or very watery Kool-Aid. It was also oddly salty.  It was, in essence, watery, salty, fruit punch flavored Kool-Aid.  Not a great note to end on, but none of them would have been.

All told, these four beers were four underwhelming flops.  If you are tempted to try these unique beers, and are convinced that the Supreme Award that this four-pack received at the 1997 “Food from Scotland Excellence Awards – Royal Highland Show” is legitimate, go right ahead, but do tell me that I didn’t warn you.