300

The film 300 visits the Battle of Thermopylae with epic grandeur and scale.  It tells the tale of King Leonidas, played by Gerard Butler, and his band of 300 war-hardened and battle-ready Spartans that go off to defend their homeland from the invading self proclaimed God-King Xerxes and his army from the Persian Empire.  While the 300 die to a man facing hordes of foreign invaders their bravery and selflessness manages to inspire the rest of Greece to unite against the enemy and drive back the onslaught. 

This particular version of the Battle of Thermopylae was based on the graphic novel by Frank Miller and it is truly refreshing to see a film maker, here director Zack Snyder, staying true to a theme.  The movie really does feel like a graphic novel unfolding its pages before you.  There is narration to fill in the gaps of the story, and the picture is done in a slightly glossy and ultra color-saturated format. 

Of course, there is always a downside to fully enveloping one medium of art and story telling into another.  In the case of 300, one cannot take the storyline seriously or one would be totally lost in a complete dearth of realism.  Simply as example, when our 300 heroes march off to war they each have with them 7 things:  sandals, a red cape, a shield, a sword, a spear, a helmet, and a red speedo.  Notice the complete lack of food, bed rolls, tools, ect., but this can be overlooked as we are meant to view these heroes as above the need for regular sustenance and small comforts.  This is also why it is totally acceptable that the country of Czechoslovakia emptied its borders of all its muscle-bound gay porn stars to play as extras in the movie.  Never in my life have I seen some much flesh, both real and created by the wizard CGI team, on one screen.  I am thinking of nominating 300 as gay movie of the decade (above Brokeback Mountain, TransAmerica, and Shortbus).

The one minus, and a great one at that, to 300 is the lack of good writing when it comes to actual lines spoken by the characters.  While the narration is fun and acceptably graphic novel-esc, the lines and speeches delivered by the characters are unimaginative and usually fall completely dead at the end.  Of particularly great disappointment is the speech given by the Queen of Sparta and wife of Leonidas to the Council.  The speech, which should be all inspiring and full of wit and power, lacks both conviction and metaphor. 

So if you like action, gore, gorgeous scenery, and beautiful bare-chested men, 300 is the movie for you.  Even if you don’t like bare-chested men, 300 will still be a tour-de-force that will fill your mind with eye-candy; with everything from gross human deformity, to epic thrones, to possibly the best CGI wolf I have ever seen.  If you want a good story, with excellent acting and even better script don’t even bother. 

"So... do you like gladiator movies?"